High As An Effing Kite
by FifiDoll
Summary: Kurt, Sam, Puck, Finn, and Mike are hanging out, and Puck makes pot cookies without telling Kurt. They proceed to get high. Contains PuckKurt, PuckMike, FinnKurt, and SamStarWars. Mostly FinnKurt though.


Kurt wandered downstairs, the smell of sugar far too familiar to his sensitive nose. His dad and Carole were out of town for the night so Kurt couldn't imagine who would be baking – Finn certainly didn't have the ability. When he reached the kitchen he discovered that it was, in fact, Finn, along with Sam, Puck, and Mike. Puck was leaning over the bowl of what appeared to be cookie dough, mashing it together with his hands. "I am not eating those," Kurt said simply, his nose in the air.

"Aw, come on, Princess, I washed my hands first," Puck smirked.

"Can we just bake them now? I'm hungry," Sam complained.

Mike sauntered across the kitchen with a cookie sheet and the guys began digging their hands in to the dough, pulling out little balls of the mixture and putting it on the baking pan. Kurt wasn't even really sure what kind of cookies they were (chocolate chip maybe?); he was more amused with the fact that after they put the pan in the oven, they sat and watched them impatiently, the next pan ready with balls of dough on top of it.

"They're just cookies," Kurt said haughtily, walking into the living room to see if Lifetime had a good drama rerun on.

"These are gonna be the best damn cookies you've ever had," Puck called after him.

Kurt highly doubted that, since Rachel's apology sugar cookies were _definitely_ the best in his book (because it meant Rachel was groveling for his forgiveness, of course) and nothing from some ex-juvie miscreant could possibly overrule that decision.

Except somehow they did. Kurt found himself addicted to the cookies from the very start. He was amazed that the guys waited as long as they did to eat them (they made a double batch and they didn't touch a single cookie until all of them were baked) and once they dug in, they _dug in_, Kurt included. He took the first one out of principle; Puck insisted that his cookies were the best and Kurt yearned to prove him wrong.

But then Kurt just wanted more. It was like they instilled this strange craving in him that he couldn't explain. He dug in to the plate of cookies with the other four boys like a _boy_. They were crazed and couldn't stop reaching out for more; not even long enough to lick the chocolate from their fingers.

There were maybe a dozen cookies left when Kurt felt the world spinning around him. Then everything started to slow down and his body sort of slumped to the side, resting on the first thing (or person, rather) he could find. He rested against Finn, whose arm instantly curled around his waist. It was like they were meant to cuddle or something. "Dude…" Kurt muttered, his eyes fluttering shut. He took a deep breath and inhaled Finn's musky, sweaty scent. "Dude…where am I?"

He felt Finn chuckle and Puck let out a heavy laugh. "Hummel's totally stoned!" he shouted.

Mike fell into a mess of giggles on Puck's shoulder. Sam was on his back in front of the rest of them, staring up at the ceiling. "And that one there is Tatooine," he pointed to a spot nobody else could see. "And there's where the Death Star used to be, but it got blown up." He threw his hands up in the air and made an exploding noise. "Just like that," he told them.

They didn't hear him, though. Kurt had finally heard what Puck said (it was like the world was moving in slow motion – it was weird) and was getting defensive. "Puckerman! You got me stoned!" he shrieked.

He sat up, but Finn's arms never left his waist. "I'm gonna…gonna…I'm gonna kiss you for this!" Kurt shouted.

Puck just laughed and stared at Kurt. "No you won't," he challenged, his smirk bigger than ever.

"Dooo ittt!" Mike called, his chin resting on Puck's shoulder.

He watched with interest as Kurt leaned in, a determined look on his face. Their lips crushed together. It was uncoordinated and sloppy and generally just a mess, but it was a kiss, and Kurt had definitely proved that he wasn't going to wimp out. "No fair," Finn pouted.

Kurt pulled away and turned to Finn, connecting their lips instantly. Puck looked around and soon his lips were colliding with Mike's; they were the closest to his own face and convenience was _key_ here. Sam just kept lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling, mumbling on and on about Alderaan and Hoth and other imaginary places. He didn't even realize what was going on around him.

Mike and Puck kept kissing, lying back on the floor lazily, Mike's limbs draped over Puck awkwardly. The others should have cared, but they didn't; Finn and Kurt were too busy with each other.

Years of repression plus just enough pot meant that Kurt wasn't afraid to go for it. Finn's normally slow mind was moving at a snail's pace. He remembered something about Kurt kissing Puck and how it wasn't fair that he wasn't getting any action, and the next thing he knew he had a hard-on and it was rubbing against…well…he couldn't really remember who.

All he knew was that he wanted more, and he wanted it somewhere much more comfortable. The world seemed to shift when he stood, but maybe that's because he forgot there was someone on top of him. They wandered upstairs; Finn turned into a giggling heap half-way up when Kurt asked why the walls were pink. It was like they were the opposite of colorblind and a little crazy. Maybe schizophrenic – Finn couldn't remember what it was called. His world was turned upside down and he just…oh, there was Kurt.

Kissing Kurt should have felt wrong, especially on is (super comfortable) bed, but it wasn't. He looked like a girl and Finn's brain couldn't keep up anyway. All it took was Kurt climbing on top of Finn and their dicks rubbing together and Finn felt it. Kurt burst into giggles when Finn made that face he made…the one that meant he was coming, you know? "Lame," Kurt said through his giggles.

He rested at Finn's side, trying to ignore the awkward stain on his pants. Finn's breathing was heavy and he couldn't quite figure out where he was. "That was too fast," Finn mumbled.

Kurt just giggled some more and said, "Good thing we never dated."

He stood and left the room, leaving Finn staring up at the ceiling, mumbling to himself about having a stupid penis.

Once he got back downstairs, Kurt wandered over to Puck and Mike. They were still making out and it looked kind of hot. "Hey," Kurt muttered.

He kicked his foot out at Puck, but did no damage in his stocking feet. Figuring that Puck and Mike were a waste of his time, Kurt turned instead to the blonde on the floor. "And then there's Dagobah there." He giggled to himself and said, "That's fun to say. DagoBAH!" he repeated it several times until Kurt stepped over him, his feet on either side of Sam's waist. "You're in the way of the planets," he frowned.

"No planets," he shrugged, getting down on his knees so he was straddling Sam's waist. "Just Kurt."

"What planet are you from?" Sam asked curiously.

"Uh…" Kurt sat back on Sam's waist, thinking really hard. "I don't know."

Sam started to laugh at this. "Silly human," he giggled.

Kurt couldn't help but laugh as well, and he ended up rolling off of Sam and staring up at the ceiling as Sam started his planet rant all over again.

Once the world stopped spinning so much and Puck and Mike realized just _what_ they were doing, everyone started making their way upstairs. "I call Hummel's bed!" Puck called, running into the room and pouncing face-first onto it.

He landed in the center of the bed, right next to where Finn was _still_ staring at the ceiling, the dried jizz making an ugly stain on his jeans. "My cuddle buddy!" Mike cried, running into the room with his arms outstretched.

Kurt stomped his foot and crossed his arms. That was _his_ bed. Sam wandered across the hall to Finn's room and called out excitedly, "The planets are in here too!"

"Oooh!" Kurt squealed.

He rushed down the hall and he and Sam ended up lying on Finn's bed (which was smaller than Kurt's anyway, so it all worked out). They stared up at the ceiling, re-identifying all the planets again (Kurt had memorized where the Death Star used to be – that was the easiest part) before they drifted off to sleep.

Kurt didn't wake until he heard his cell phone go off. It was practically noon by the time he stirred, reaching for his phone on the bedside table before realizing it was still in his pants pocket. He pulled it out and stared down at the screen in absolute horror.

_From: Dad  
>I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.<em>

Kurt stormed across the hall to his room and tossed a stray stuffed animal at the boy in the center of the bed. "Puckerman! I'm going to kill you!" he shouted.

Puck rolled over, confused. Mike was firmly clutching to his waist and the stain on Finn's pants was practically staring him in the face. Plus on top of that Kurt was yelling at him; it was all too much. "Iunno what you're talkinabout," he mumbled.

"My father ate some of your damn cookies!" Kurt shrieked.

Puck just started laughing, causing Kurt to become even more frustrated. "I am so dead!" he shouted. "I don't see what's so funny about this!"

They heard footsteps ascending the stairs and instantly Kurt panicked. When his father walked in, he was surprised to see that he wasn't mad at all. "Did I ever tell you about the time I went to a Pink Floyd concert?" he asked, draping his arm over his son's shoulder.

Puck snorted with laughter and Kurt glared at him. Burt started telling his story about the concert, leaving Kurt with no choice but to listen as he was dragged out of the room. It was going to be a long day.


End file.
